Delayed gratification is essential to achieving many life goals, but some of us are better at it than others—starting at a very young age. In one famous experiment at Stanford in 1972, a group of children ages 3-5 were given a marshmallow and told that if they waited for 15 minutes, they could get a second marshmallow. The researchers then followed the same group of kids into adulthood and found that those who successfully waited for the second marshmallow seemed to do better later in life. They reportedly had better SAT scores, went further with their education, were healthier, and had better social skills, among other measures.
Subsequent studies have called into question just how accurate the marshmallow test was as a predictor of success. The illustration remains applicable, though: A lot of us have trouble with impulse control and delayed gratification; and research has shown that these issues can often be related to what is happening at the brain level with conditions like ADD and ADHD and substance use disorders. Even so, it is possible to become better at delaying gratification in pursuit of long-term goals. Whether your aim is to buy a house, save for retirement, shed 20 pounds, or find a life partner, these three keys may help.
Replace Thoughts of Immediate Pleasure
Delayed gratification is only effective when a greater future reward is associated with foregoing pleasure now. Say, for example, that you’ve always wanted to go on a safari and have made a goal of saving up for the trip. If impulse shopping is making it difficult, try replacing those thoughts about the immediate, short-term pleasure of a purchase now with thoughts about the thrill, adventure, and life-changing impact of a safari next year.
Spend time learning about and mindfully connecting with and envisioning the experience. This might entail doing research on safaris and learning about that part of the world through books, documentaries, and other resources. Use your imagination to call to mind what it’s like to see gorillas in their forested habitat or lions hunting their prey. Find an image that you can post on the refrigerator and use as a screen saver on your phone and computer. These regular reminders will help keep your goal of a safari on your radar.
Make It as Small and Easy as Possible
New habits may be hard to keep because we’ve not broken them down into more manageable bits. The easier you can make delayed gratification, the more likely you’ll be able to stick with it. If you can, try to make the goal so easy that not doing it would almost be harder.
If your goal is to buy a motorcycle but you don’t have the money, make it easy-peasy to save by finding a place for all that loose change. Every time you notice it accruing in pockets or your purse, throw it in a big storage bin. In addition to staying better organized, you’ll find that within a few years you’ve made a big dent in the cost of that motorcycle.
Or, if your long-term goal is to lose 20 pounds, why not start by losing 2-3 pounds first? From there, commit to one easy change in your daily routine. This can look different depending on the person, but some examples might be taking a walk, not eating after a certain time in the evening, or drinking a tall glass of water before and after each meal. Once you’ve lost the first 2-3 pounds, you may be ready to lose the next 2-3 pounds.
Create Rules and Reward Yourself
Delayed gratification is also applicable when the goal is a happy, healthy long-term relationship, according to many psychologists. They argue that having sex too early, before two people really know each other and have allowed their romance and friendship to grow and mature, can create problems. In this case, creating some rules or guidelines for delaying gratification may help. One example of a rule might be requiring that you go out on a certain number of dates with someone before you begin to get physical or have sex with them. These rules will be easier to follow when you’re able to reward yourself in some way for keeping them.
Delaying gratification is not about denying oneself gratification. It’s more about changing one’s relationship to gratification and learning to be grateful for what one has in the moment. These keys to delayed gratification can help you get there.
